the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
