Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
