Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
i love accidental penises.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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