Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
