I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
