We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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