we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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