He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Randomize
