Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Randomize
