I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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