i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
