I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
