Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
