I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
