we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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