well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
