they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
