Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
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Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
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