If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
