Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
