dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
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