I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
