I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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