I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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