she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
