Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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