I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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