life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
