i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
