your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Randomize
