I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
