He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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