Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
