Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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