i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
