my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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