My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
