Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
