it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
His nipple licking is glorious
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