Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
