you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
PANTIES FOUND
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