I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
