i just google imaged poop.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
