Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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