We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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