I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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