I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
the liver wants what the liver wants
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
