he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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