How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
