Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
