Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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