I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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