trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
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