Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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