Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Can I color on your dick again?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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