It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
