Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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