and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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