i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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