Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
