I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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