"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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