Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Randomize
