i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
