you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
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