im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
