so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
