I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
