why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
