Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
