She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There r osticjed everywhere
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
