Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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