apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
If its not for food we ain't going out.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
