Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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