He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
