I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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