Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
