it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
