had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
