you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
