this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
