It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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