I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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