i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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